someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
