I'm sorry my penis didn't work
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
