I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
