You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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