Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
