He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
