Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
