Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
