So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
