im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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