I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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