You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
