Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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