I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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