Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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