there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
