Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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