There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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