So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
