i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
