if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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