I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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