she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
