These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
