Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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