im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
