So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
