Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We are two peas in an std pod
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
