My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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