Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Farmville is her only friend.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
