He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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