South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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