apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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