I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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