I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize