Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
