I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
