Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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