Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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