i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
