I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
