So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
