it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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