Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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