I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
