Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
