it hurts more in the daytime
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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