you mean i was at the winter classic?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
