I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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