I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
