he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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