whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize