Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
