come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
