could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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