i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
