just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
