So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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