one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize