dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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