Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
