What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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