Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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