people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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