You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize