where am i from again
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
