Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
