I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
