Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
