i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
