Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
