hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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